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HELP! struggling, Drowning and feel like an utter failure

Ever felt like you were drowning?
Like the odds were stacked against you and nothing you did could change the outcome.
Life is a struggle, it can swallow you up and spit you out after it has ground you up into little insignificant pieces.

Harsh isn’t it? But that is how I feel. I’ve had so many things go wrong lately – well I shouldn’t say lately; it has been months and more that I have been dealing with some very difficult things in my life. I tell my children that they need to think positive, never give up and even know when all you can do is ride the wave because there is nothing within your power that can change certain circumstances.
But here I sit, thinking about my mother and her second battle with cancer - and she doesn't look good.

I’m thinking about all the bad luck I have been having lately. I’m thinking about my most recent troubles that have arisen one right after the other and what do I get from my wife – “You have to live what you preach. You tell the kids that they have to overcome – you can’t let them see you crumble.” But that is not what I teach (I don’t preach).

What I want to teach my kids, and the kids I deal with at the school, is that life is difficult but you can overcome. You may not be able to win every battle but you can win some if you try, learn, dedicate yourself and struggle. But that is where I find myself – struggling, and I find myself facing obstacles that are far greater than I can handle. I am not saying I will quit, but l feel like I want to. I am not saying that I don’t have the will power or desire – I just feel like I’m waning. I want to live what I teach (or preach) but it feels like no matter what I do, how hard I fight, the tools I use or the “smart” things I do are simply not enough to change the rising tide.

I’m staring at a picture of my mother and I know, there is nothing I can do. No amount of will power or dedication is going to change this situation. All I have is my faith, my hope and my prayers.

I can understand, I lived my young life struggling just to get by – but there is no greater struggle than finding yourself feeling worthless. Not because I am, but because there is nothing I can do, nothing I can change, nothing except continuing to struggle as I try to keep my head above water wondering, hoping, desperately in need of calmer seas.

I am reminded of how easy it can be to be overwhelmed by circumstances and feeling so alone despite being surrounded by so many.

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