I lie to me kids all the time - well

I lie to me kids all the time - well, more like exaggerate the truth.
As a parent you find your kids doing something they shouldn’t - it’s a natural course of being a parent. And your always telling them what not to do and the kids - well, they are always asking why.
Over the years I’ve adopted a madness to my method of correction. I just don't tell my kids to “stop that” but I also include "my crazy reason" why they should stop that in my command. Of course - sometimes the reason why is a bit more playful or exaggerated than need be. I guess it helps throw them off course and they would rather laugh than ask me - Why can’t I dad.....
Here are some example of my crazy silly statements:

* Don’t pick your nose, you’ll scratch your brain.

* Don’t put your hand there, it’ll fall off!

* Don’t pick your butt - your hand will smell bad for days.

* Cover your nose when you sneeze, your brain will fall out!

* Don’t jump on the sofa, you’ll fall and crack the floor.

* Don’t fart, you’ll kill someone.
( I would pretend to faint )

My Favorite:
Can you pass me that?
I wasn’t asking, I was telling you!
Ok so that one wasn’t funny, but you have no idea how many times I use it during the course of my day.